


I'LL GIVE YOU THE STARS

by poppysmc (dashboardconfessions)



Category: PlayChoices, Queen B (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Car Accidents, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26281774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dashboardconfessions/pseuds/poppysmc
Summary: VOW AU
Relationships: Poppy Min-Sinclair/Main Character (Queen B)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	1. 4 Minutes

**_A flash of blinding light came out of nowhere in her periphery. Then came the ugly sound of metal against metal, twisting and buckling at sheer force of the impact._**

What you should know about Poppy ~~Min-Sinclair~~ Hughes was that she loved Morgan the most in this world, she was her best friend and the love of her life. They’ve been through thick and thin, the path to their relationship was fraught with trials but she lived in comfort knowing that no matter what, her wife’s going to be there for her, it was her and Morgan against the world.

She gave up her life in luxury, a choice her parents pressured her to pick from; _leave and be with Morgan or stay and be a Min-Sinclair,_ she chose her in a heartbeat.They have been together for almost two years in university and they decided to tie the knot a year after Belvoire. Their arguments, petty name calling, The T and its rankings now a distant memory, something to laugh about when people asked about how they met. She smiles, squeezing Morgan’s hands under the table, and tells the story about a farm girl, who became her knight in shining armor.

Poppy, who was always surrounded by her so called friends and adoring admirers never felt so alone in their company. This is the life she chose, she was continuously paranoid about somebody taking her crown and she was right to be, everyone was waiting for her downfall, ready to spirit her crown away the moment she showed weakness. She was trapped in heaven in the company of devils.

Morgan, stepped through Belvoire, an unassuming farm girl and was an easy target for her bitch fits. She gave her hell and Morgan gave as good as she got. It all changed after her rankings bombed and she lost everything, her friends, her sorority and her crown. Her nemesis replaced her on top, all her fake friends and lackeys changed sides, leaving her in the dust. She never felt defeated in all her life, that was the only thing she strived for, even that is stripped away from her.

Morgan was the first to approach her, just a day after her downfall, apologetic and with the honest intention of offering her a truce.

“I’ve. Been. Looking. Everywhere. For. You.” Morgan tells her in between her heavy breathing. Finally finding her all alone sitting at the bleachers, staring into space, she approached her cautiously and sat by her side. Poppy ignores her presence, she has no energy left to argue, she just wanted to be left alone.

“How have you been?” She asks her, genuinely worried for her well-being, Poppy looked so small and it’s not even a week.

“Don’t pretend you care.” Poppy scoffs in response.

She reaches for her hands, holding it firmly enough so she doesn’t hurt her or can she run away before she’s said her piece. “I’m tired of fighting, aren’t you? I want us to bury the hatchet.” She looks her in the eyes and said it with all the sincerity she can muster. She has to admit, she liked Poppy, even stunned by her beauty before she ruined it all by opening her mouth, and in between their arguments and barbed words, she could see how scared she was, that stuck with her every time she gazes into her eyes.

Poppy stares at her, bewildered. She had been nothing but cruel to her, she even went as far as ruining her reputation and now she’s offering her a place by her side. She obviously thought that it was a trick and Morgan’s out here to humiliate her even more. She has nothing left, her status left in tatters. What more could she want?

“I don’t need your pity Morgan. You can’t fool me, you wanted my crown since day one.” She couldn’t hide the bitterness in her tone. Her suspicion gets the better of her, she tears her hands away and walks out.

It took multiple tries but she was persistently hanging around Poppy all the time, having her lunch with her, even if she ends up walking away, defending her each time someone as much as mutters a word against her, what finally broke through to her was when someone went as far as dousing her with their coffee, she was humiliated and angry. Morgan approached her purposefully, for a few seconds, no one made a move nor dared to take a breath, they were waiting for something to happen, phones raised to capture their face off.

The onlookers were stunned when she offers her jacket and ushers her back to her dorm to clean up. Her shirt ended up ruined as Poppy’s tears soaked her front. She stayed and held her until she fell asleep.

“Why are you doing this?” Poppy asks her one day when they sat together having lunch by the bleachers.

“I wanted to start over. I want to get to know you better.” She answered her, still staring far away. She didn’t want to push Poppy, lest she runs away again.

“You shouldn’t be seen with me, everybody hates me. I don’t want to drag you down and I told you, I don’t need your pity” She cried quietly, and Morgan could see her shoulders shaking with sobs.

Morgan knelt down in front of her, taking her hand. “The rankings don’t matter to me, if I could give it back to you, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. You don’t have to bear everything alone, you deserve someone to lean on.”

So she stopped running away, opening up a little to her, started making small talk and eventually they became friends, then her best friend and her savior, she showed her that there’s more to life in uni than popularity, she discovered what real friendship was like, how Morgan’s friends accepted her hesitantly at first, and warmly when she decided to drop her facade.

They became inseparable in a span of a couple of months, while they spent all weekends together, and in between their sleep overs and movie nights her love for Morgan grew strong and steady. She was the one who confessed, unable to keep it any longer. She was terrified of losing their friendship, but decided it was worth any consequence for even the slightest chance she might like her too.

Morgan smiled at her, opened her arms and said; “Finally, I thought you’re never going to admit it.” Turns out that she’d fallen for her too, but didn’t want to push her, she knows how homophobic and overbearing her parents can be. She was new money and before the inheritance from a distant relative, she was nothing, to top it all off she was a woman. So naturally she though she has no chance. The look of utter delight and love that’s plastered on her face was worth it, what was she even worried about?

**_It sounded like an orchestra conducted by the warped arms of hell. They were spinning, why are they spinning? She could hear screams, were they from her? Broken glass showered them like confetti, where was she? She couldn’t remember._**

The path to their marriage wasn’t easy, it was received with hostility.She and Morgan attended a gala her parents were hosting. When she introduced her as her girlfriend, she could hear a pin drop, and her parents’ smile faltered, replaced with a sickened expression directed at both of them. She could still remember her father’s disgusted face and her mother’s fury, even years after.

They tried to pull her away, her mother’s manicured nails digging deeply and painfully against her yielding arm. They wanted to take her far from her girlfriend, she reaches out for Morgan as she’s being pulled away, trying to break free. Her mother threatens to teach her a lesson if she didn’t break up with her and stopped her silly notions of love in sin. Mrs. Min-Sinclair spits out cruel comments, each one felt like daggers sticking out of her bare back. Her mother said she needed to be purified of her sinful mind, it was against their beliefs and Morgan wasn’t even worthy of her, she only wanted her for money.

She tore her hand off her mother’s clutches, she stood up to them for the first time in her life. The old Poppy would have cowered and grovelled, begging for forgiveness. She was the one who wasn’t worthy of Morgan’s unconditional love, Morgan who loved her at her worst, when she felt like nothing. She couldn’t take her girlfriend away from her, she couldn’t do that to her, she wanted her to be happy, and be happy with her by her side. She runs back to Morgan’s open arms, catching her when her knees almost buckled.

Her parents scoffed and went as far as offering Morgan and her family a ridiculous amount of money to stay away from her and to stop corrupting their only daughter.

“It’s just money you want right?” Her father snaps his fingers and his assistant comes forward with his check. He signed it and offered the blank check to Morgan. His mouth curved into a twisted smile, waiting for her to leave with it. “Write whatever amount you want, you deserve it. You’re the only one who got this far.”

The stuff of dramas, but the rich think that everything has a price, even love. Poppy discovered just how many of her past friends that she was growing feelings for were paid off by her parents, how they accepted and shamelessly asked for more. The look of gloating in her mother’s face as she told the story broke her heart. She held her breath and though she’s confident Morgan won’t accept it, but there’s a lingering sense of doubt ingrained in her saying that everybody has a price.

Morgan, of course refused, offended that they even thought that she’d accept it and leave. What angered her the most were the hateful words they directed at Poppy, their daughter who wanted nothing else but make them proud, even in the expense of her own happiness. She tears the check into pieces, she lets them scatter beneath her feet.

A loud slap echoed throughout the room. Her head was harshly turned to the right, her ears were ringing by the sheer force in Mrs. Min-Sinclair’s crisp slap. Morgan held her stinging cheek, she looked back at her spitefully, the finality in her voice was unwavering. “No amount of money could buy my love for your daughter. I’m prepared to fight for her, I know I’m not worthy but I’ll do everything just to make her happy. Only she can determine her path, not you or me or anyone else.”

She takes Poppy’s hands and they walk out of restaurant. She turned to look back at her, she stops when she sees tears streaming on her face. She captures her in a hug, apologizing for her rash actions, she felt stupid for not even asking her what she wanted, too caught up in her anger. Poppy smiles and assures her that they’re happy tears, no one ever fought for her and she was thankful. They drive away, leaving Poppy’s parents and her old life behind, starting over with Morgan.

They drive back to her parents’ house in New York, Morgan explained everything to her parents, her mother softly cried, her heart breaking for Poppy and her father was furious, “How could they do that to their own child.”

There was no question, they took Poppy in and took care of everything. The Min-Sinclairs cut her off instantly, taking everything they bought her, her car, her apartment, everything they could take without warning so it’ll hurt her more.

Poppy cried for weeks on end, but she didn’t want to worry Morgan, so she bottles everything inside but in the middle of the night she lies awake, tears falling nonstop, soothed only by Morgan waking up a minute later and holding her until morning. Morgan tried to replace everything they took, but Poppy reassures her that it’s fine and instead worked hard and graduated the top of her class, starting her own business with the help of Morgan’s parents.

**_Their bodies were thrown around like ragged dolls and finally the car skids to a stop, the car’s mangled body irreparable and unrecognizable. The smoke and the smell of burning rubber overwhelmed her senses. She felt so weak, the pain was too great that her body was completely numb._ **

Morgan proposed 4 months after they graduated, the words barely left her mouth when Poppy tackled her, squealing in her ears. They laid in the grass tangled together, the night sky shining with millions of stars bathing both of them with radiant starlight.

“You haven’t answered me yet.” Morgan asks her, she’s been waiting for this for years.

“It’s obviously a yes, stupid.” Poppy smiles back at her.

She laughs at her response, she stands and takes a hidden camera from the bushes. “I thought it’s going to be romantic and I wanted to save it, I should have known.” Things never go as planned when it comes to them.Poppy asks her to record a new reaction over and over until it’s perfect. She went to dinner with a girlfriend and went home with a fiancée.

One thing she kept a secret from Poppy was that she went back to her parent’s house to inform them of her intention of marrying their daughter and asked them to come. She knows it’ll mean a lot to Poppy, she knows she couldn’t replace the love she has for her parents, no matter how hard she tries. They wouldn’t budge, they said they no longer have a daughter. So she kept it a secret so as not to hurt her fiancée even more.

They wed in a beautiful ceremony by the beach, surrounded by family and close friends. It was the perfect wedding and finally after years of being together, she’s with her wife, ready to start forever with her.

* * *

Their wedding anniversary was coming up this weekend and Morgan came up with the idea that they go stay at a resort she rented out for her, she wanted nothing else but to pamper her wife. Poppy was ecstatic of course, she gets to spend her weekend with her. They barely saw each other for the past few weeks, each of them being too busy with their jobs, they could only have just a few passing good morning kisses, and when Morgan comes home she’s already asleep. They took a whole week off to spend with each other.

They drove up to the resort, Poppy sat in the passenger seat.

“Thank you for this weekend, Morgan. Have I told you how much I love you?” She looks at her wife, eyes still glued on the road but a brilliant smile was plastered on her face.

“Every minute, I love you too.” She smiles, unaware that it’s the last thing she’d tell her before something bad happened. It didn’t matter how careful she was when driving, all it took was just seconds and a reckless driver for their life to change.

**_The pain was unrelenting and unforgiving. Every bone in her body ached, it was unbearable. She couldn’t move, her head twisted painfully to the side, she opens her eyes for a moment to see her wife laying there unconscious and bloody, she screams but no sound comes out. Her vision fades slowly, until the darkness swallows her whole. The last vision in her mind was Poppy._ **

* * *

Morgan wakes up at a hospital, her body bruised and broken in several places. She tries to sit up, desperately looking for her wife. The nurses rush in to calm her down, telling her that it’s okay and her wife was alive. That was the only thing she was holding on, as her eyes grew heavy and she was plunged into a dreamless sleep.

At her request, her wife was moved next to her. She wanted to see her, to make sure that she’s really safe, no amount of words could ever satisfy her until she can see her with her own eyes.

Poppy was put under a medically induced coma, the damage caused to her was too severe, she’ll only be in more pain when they take her off of it. They wanted to give her body a chance to heal, without her screaming in agony. Her face was peaceful, unsuspecting of the pain she’ll feel when she wakes.

The doctors said that the right side of her body took most of the impact. How they were hit by a drunk driver, how he was speeding and beating the red light, just as they crossed the intersection. It hit the passenger side of her car and they careened violently off the road, puncturing through the guard rails. The fact that broke her was that Poppy tried to protect her, shielding her head causing her to break her arm.

_4 minutes_ , they lost her for 4 minutes. She couldn’t live without her but no amount of love could have saved her from the accident. They said saving Poppy was nothing short of a miracle, she didn’t believe in a higher power but she thanks whoever could hear her for saving her wife.

She thanks the doctors, and when they’re gone she spirals into despair, hatred and contempt for herself, for putting her in so much pain, maybe they should have just stayed in, like they always do. Then this shouldn’t have happened.

She patiently waited, as weeks turned into months, until they’re sure that they could take her off the induced coma. She wanted to be sure, if she could take away all her pain she would do it in an instant. It was nerve wracking, the waiting, not knowing for sure if she’s going to wake up and what lasting damage the accident had left on her body. Then finally she groans, her voice too broken from being unused, she makes her gently sip some water.

Poppy looks up at her, she didn’t know what hurt more; her face contorted in pain or how she noticed her and her face twisted in fury, asking her in a frantic voice: **_What are you doing here Farmsville?_**


	2. In Sickness

**_Do you Morgan, accept Poppy as your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?_ **

****

**_I do._ **

* * *

****

**_What are you doing here Farmsville?_**

****

Morgan stared open mouthed at her wife. _No, God, please no._

“What am I doing here? What did you do to me?” Poppy spat out, grimacing as she tried to sit up. Morgan hobbles to her side, as best as she could to stop her from moving straightaway. The crutches clatter to the floor, she supported all her weight with a foot and her right hand on the bed rail, her other hand settled gently on Poppy’s shoulder with the sense of familiarity only someone close could give. Poppy shrugs it off, causing her to lose her balance and fall to the floor. “Don’t touch me, get out!” She screams at her wife, her mind still reeling.

Morgan felt light headed, she tries to say something but no words come out. She tries to awkwardly get up, her body started aching again and she may have pulled a few stitches, looking down at her shirt, a growing spot of blood stained her side. She goes out of the room, eyes glistening with unshed tears as she looks back at the love of her life replaced by an old adversary, she calls for her doctor, voice frantic and desperate.

Poppy stares after her as she retreated from the room, she pales at the sight of blood, a little confused and remorseful for harshly pushing her away. _“What’s going on?”_ She whispered to an empty room. She calls for a nurse and tells her to check on Morgan.

“My wife’s awake but something’s wrong. I don’t know what to do.” Morgan helplessly begged the doctor to find out what’s happening. She felt powerless, she just wanted to hold her, to celebrate the miracle of making it out alive and for another chance to be together, but she couldn’t and it broke her heart.

“Calm down Mrs. Hughes. It’s normal for people to forget when they first come out of a coma, especially with the extent of your wife’s brain trauma.” The doctor explained in a calm voice, trying to soothe a frantic Morgan. “I’ll check on her, I’ll speak to you outside when I’m done.”

She tries to come back in, but the furious glare Poppy sends her made her back away, she settled instead watching through the window like an outsider looking in, before the nurse ushers her away to check on her stitches. She hated to see the unusual animosity in her wife’s face, it’s been a long time that those were directed at her, she felt dejected and out of orbit.

The doctor examines Poppy, checking her vitals, reading her charts, scheduling her for an MRI the next day to check if the swelling in her brain came down.

The doctor comes back out and finds her lingering outside, waiting. And by the severe look on the doctor’s face, she guessed that she’s not going to like the diagnosis. “What’s wrong with her?” Morgan was holding her breath, hoping for the best.

They spoke at length about the status of her wife’s health, how her broken bones were healing well and she’s stable. She pauses and takes a deep breath before she tells her the worst part.

“She has retrograde amnesia, due to the brain trauma she suffered, but we still have to do some more tests just to be sure and I will continuously monitor her condition. She’s going to have to stay for a few more weeks.” The doctor told her, voice solemn. She’s an experienced trauma doctor, specializing in neurological problems, there are a few words she hated to tell loved ones. _‘I’m sorry they couldn’t remember you and they might never recover her memory.’_ It’s up there in the top 5 of her painful but necessary truths. She’s seen many of her patients with this condition and most of them don’t ever recover their memories and lived a happy life. There’s a small chance, but it’s better to accept what they lost and move on and start new memories.

“She remembers me. I-” She sputters at the news. She didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry, Morgan. I spoke to her and her memory is set her back 5 years.”

“But- No- That means she doesn’t remember us being together.” She leans her back to the wall to support her weight, her legs felt like jelly and the world is spinning underneath her.

“Please breathe, Morgan.” The doctor leads her back to sit on a waiting chair. “I could break the news to her-” She looked at her, concerned. She didn’t want her to faint on the floor, she’s still recovering from her injuries.

“I- No. She’s my wife, let me tell her.” She felt trepidation and a growing sense of doom. 5 years? Her brain is stuck in the past where Poppy hated her guts, no memory of everything they went through, their marriage or the love they had for each other. “Is there any chance that she’ll recover her memories?” Morgan held hope but she’s not stupid, she knows the chance was small, she just had to make sure, for her peace.

“There is always hope and there’s no real way of telling when her memories will come back. Morgan, just to remind you; don’t push her too hard, she’s still healing. Do you have any more questions?” Dr. Emery’s pager beeps, she’s summoned for another consultation.

“No.” She says, vacantly. When in fact she’s drowning in questions. Her mind still occupied and playing catch up to the words she told her, unable to absorb it in her state of shock.

“I’ll check on you two again tomorrow, page me if you need anything.” Dr. Emery squeezes her shoulder in sympathy before she turns to leave.

_What should she say? That I’m glad it’s not general amnesia, you would have forgotten who you are. Just be happy that all the accident took were your memories of me._

She knocks on Poppy’s door, peaking her head in. A scowl was directed at her, but she was powerless to stop Morgan from coming in, she was so confused about what happened, the doctor won’t tell her anything. _Maybe Farmsville knows._

She observed her as she nervously fidgets with a gold ring on her left hand. She traces the veins that were visible in her hand. Her fidgeting pissed her off. “Stop that! It’s annoying me.” She stares at the ring; a simple gold band, one she’s never seen before. Since when did Farmsville care about jewelry, as far as she remembered she wore her fingers bare. A flash of memory triggers her and she clutches her head.

Morgan rushes to her side, apologetic. She stops, remembering herself, keeping a short distance from Poppy, wary of making things worse, but her hands itching to reach out and hold her. She recovers after a few seconds, back to glaring at Morgan again.

“What happened? The doctor said I was in some kind of accident and judging from your state I’m guessing you were with me.” She asks her, getting frustrated at everybody not telling her anything.

“Okay, what’s the last thing you remember?” Morgan asks her, she wanted to establish exactly what time frame Poppy’s mind was reduced to.

“We were grouped together for a project in Professor’s Roberta’s class.”

“What year is it?” Morgan asks her, a growing sense of loss settle on her stomach.

“2020, what the fuck is wrong with you, Farmsville. Stop with the stupid questions and answer me.” Poppy is getting more and more frustrated at her diversions. She’s so close to exploding, Farmsville better thank whatever god she believes in that she’s stuck in bed or she would have clobbered her right on the head.

“We were in a car accident last month, you were in a coma and you just woke up today.”

“What?! What about my classes? I can’t fail, my parents are going to kill me.” Poppy panics.

“Ba-Poppy, calm down, everything’s okay, you don’t have to worry about it. Are you sure you’re feeling okay, maybe we should just continue this tomorrow.” Morgan looks nervously at her, her nails digging deep crescents in her palm, stopping the urge to reach out.

“Just spit it out! Stop being vague.” She snaps at Morgan.

“It’s not 2020 anymore, today’s August 15, 2025. You lost your memory in the accident.” She sighs and relents to her demands.

“Stop messing with me, Farmsville. You can’t fool me with your stupid pranks.” She spits it out venomously, reaching for a cracked phone in the bedside table.

“Don’t!” Morgan tried to stop her but Poppy was closer and grabbed it before her.

Poppy stares at the phone, dropping it a moment later, as if burned. It falls with a thump on her bed. Her face morphed into fury. “Look, I’m tired of your stupid games. We’re you so obsessed with me that you just have to edit our pictures together?”

“That’s your phone, Pop. I would never lie to you” Morgan reaches for her phone and searches the news, she hands it over to her to quell her anger. Poppy scrolls through different websites. She stares wide eyed at Morgan, unbelieving.

“No- But I just left class. I couldn’t have lost five years.” She whispers softly, lost in confusion. “Why do I have that photo? Just tell me, I can handle it.” She says at the look of hesitation in Morgan’s expression.

She opens her bedside drawer and digs through her things, taking out a ring that matches the one she’s wearing. “We’re married.” She grimaces when Poppy’s eyes roll back. “I can’t believe she fainted.”

* * *

Poppy comes to, a moment later. Her eyes falling to the nurse who was checking her vitals and Morgan’s nowhere to be found.

“Hey, where’s Far-my… wife?” She swallows a lump in her throat at the words she can’t believe is coming out of her mouth. She had to confirm that Morgan was telling her the truth.

“Morgan went out just a minute ago.” The nurse answers, still occupied with changing her IV drip.

_Oh no, it’s not possible. I would never marry that backwoods settler._ “How are her injuries?” She asks the nurse, fishing for more information because Farmsville was too cautious to tell her anything.

“She’s okay, I had her stitches fixed earlier. Thanks for telling me, she would have been too stubborn to leave your side.” The nurse smiles at the attempt at small talk, hospital shifts are boring too, you know? “You’re lucky to have each other, the stories she tells us about you were so cute. Don’t tell her I said that.” The nurse chuckles, so maybe her tongue slipped too much.

She fake-chuckles at the nurse’s story. Her mind reeling at the new information. She reaches for her phone and scrolls through the photos, the gallery was filled with Morgan’s face, some of them together and some of Morgan’s- _Oh god… No…_ She almost drops the phone in panic, when Morgan enters.

“Hey. Can I come in?” She stays by the threshold, worried that her mere presence might overwhelm her wife. At Poppy’s small nod she walks back to her bed. “I’m sorry I overwhelmed you Pop.” She was taken aback by the look of tenderness in Morgan gaze, she tilts her head to the side, breaking eye contact.

“Have they called my parents? Do they know I’m here?” Poppy asks her, vulnerability slips past her control. She wondered why she haven’t seen anyone she knows save for Hughes.

Morgan looked worried. _Right, she doesn’t remember her parents kicking us to the curb._ She pauses for a moment, not knowing what to say. At her silence Poppy’s irritation only grows.

“I don’t know what voodoo you pulled to make me marry you, because God knows I would never even think about it. You can’t keep me to yourself,thinking that you possess me. Call my parents right now.” Her anger was uncontrollable, was it her nature or the lasting effects of her brain trauma? She didn’t know. Morgan understood her, but it doesn’t hurt any less knowing, perhaps it hurt even more as her wife’s face looking back at her devoid of love, she couldn’t bear it. Poppy sweeps the table containing her things, the wedding ring fell to the floor in her righteous tantrum.

Morgan steps back, letting her calm down. The nurses rush into the room detecting a change in her vitals, they pause for a second at the scene. Then they proceeded to calm their patient, fearing that she might worsen her injuries. They injected a sedative to her, the look of anger directed at her only faded when her eyes closed.

The nurse picks the ring up and hands it to her smiling in sympathy before reaching for the door. She reaches up and unclasps the necklace Poppy gifted her on their first anniversary back when they’re still girlfriends. She wipes it down, the words engraved underneath pops at her under the fluorescent light. **_Always and Forever,_** she slips the ring in and wears it around her neck, she wanted her wife to be closer to her heart.

She comes closer to Poppy, sweeping her hair off her face and kisses her forehead, she sits heavily on her bed, tears streamed down her face, she felt sorrow at the loss of her memories but her mind wars with her feelings telling her to be thankful instead that some version of her wife still existed, she’s never really gone. She existed, be thankful, her brain repeats over and over. Her parents come a moment later, rushing to her and enclosing her shaking body into an embrace. She told them everything and her decision to call Poppy’s parents.

“They deserve to know and Poppy deserves to have her parents by her side, she asked for them. I think it’s for the best.”

“I don’t think that’s smart, Sweetie. Have you forgotten what they did to the both of you?” Her mother reminds her, not keen on the idea her daughter proposed.

“I have to, Poppy doesn’t know. Maybe they’ll come this time, she still has a chance to be on good terms with her parents, I can’t take that from her.” She dials a number and sends a message for her mother, holding her breath. She doesn’t have a good feeling about it.

She fell asleep instantly after her parents left. The exhaustion of the day finally catching up on her.

**_“-and Morgan, you may say your vows.” The minister speaks up. She smiles softly at Poppy, her beautiful and radiant soon to be wife.She looked like an angel in white. Poppy squeezes her hands waiting for her to start, tears already welling in her eyes. Morgan almost forgets all her words at the look of an all-encompassing love her fiancée shoots her._ **

****

**_She clears her throat, too overcome with emotion. “If God reached into my chest and pulled out my heart it would be you standing right in front of me. Poppy, you are the love of my life, I would offer you my heart but you’ve already taken it the moment I sat with you on the bleachers back in Uni, all I can give you is my soul, all 21 grams of it, because it’s eternal, a representation of my undying love and everlasting devotion to you.”_ **

****

**_“You are the strongest person I have ever met, you give me courage every single day and just with you standing by my side, you make me feel invincible and I thank my lucky stars that we’ll start forever, together. You are my soul mate, my one true love and the other half of my being. I will love you even beyond my last breath, for forever and always.”_**

**_And you Poppy, you may say your vows. Her eyes were glistening with tears, dabbing it carefully so it won’t smudge her make up. She starts her vows. “Morgan I-”_ **

“Morgan! Morgan wake up!” A piercing voice cuts her dream short. She blearily opens her eyes.

_Oh right._ She remembers everything that happened yesterday. “Is something wrong? Are you feeling okay?” She fusses over her, reaching for her crutches and her glasses.

“I’m fine, stop fussing. I’m not a baby. Poppy tries her hardest not to bite her head off so early in the morning. She wanted a glass of water but she couldn’t reach it, as much as she hated to ask for Morgan’s help, her hand hurts every time she tries to grip it. “I’m thirsty.” She says to her like a petulant child, asking for something.

“Okay.” Morgan struggles to stand up for a moment, her body ached as the painkillers lost their effect. She makes her gently sip some water, hands shaking as she holds it to Poppy, who pretends that she’s not asking for help, gathering whatever’s left of her dignity, she hated feeling so helpless.

“Since when did you wear glasses?” She started making small talk to diffuse the awkward tension in the room. She subtly observes Morgan’s face, attributing the several faint lines that marked Morgan’s face as a result of her 5-year aging. She did look more mature and professional. She doesn’t even want to see her face, how those 5 years affected her, she just hoped that her future self kept up with her skin care routine.

“Since middle school.”

“Why haven’t I- Oh.” She just succeeded making things even more awkward.

“I wore contacts back in Uni.” Morgan answers anyway, it’s good that they’re talking however brief it may be, she didn’t want Poppy to go back to her shell. “How are you doing?” She shoots her a worried look as she leans back wincing at the pain. She reaches out to guide her head back, thankful that Poppy didn’t recoil from her touch.

“Like I’ve been hit by a car.” Poppy chuckles at her joke, stopping when she saw the look of guilt and shame in Morgan’s face. She guessed the joke was too soon. “Where are my parents?”

“I called them through their secretary but I’ve yet to hear back.” Poppy nods at her in understanding, they’re busy people, who can blame them for not visiting sooner.

“There’s something I have to tell you. They don’t-” She was interrupted before she finishes telling her that her parents were not in good terms with them.

“Excuse us, Morgan. I have to get Poppy to the MRI” Dr. Emery checks her vitals and ushers her out of the room.

She’s wheeled back to the room an hour later, face contorted in fury. _What happened in between that hour?_

“It was you! You were driving, you almost killed me!” Poppy screams at her, blaming her for her condition.

“I- I’m sorry.” She admits, she was drowning in guilt. She blames herself for everything, even if she’s told numerous times that it’s not. She wanted to disappear, how could she face her now? The guilt of hurting her wife, for almost killing her.


	3. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

_“You almost killed me!” Poppy spat out with as much malice as she could._

There’s not enough words in the world she could come up with to pacify her anger. All she could resort to was: “I’m sorry.” Completely useless in this situation, ‘sorry’ couldn’t bring back the past and her actions have consequences no matter how well-intentioned she was when she made them. It didn’t matter when Poppy doesn’t even remember, doesn’t care for reasons.

“I don’t want to see your stupid face here again. Get out.” She wanted to inflict what hurt she felt in her body and in her mind, Morgan was there caught up in her storm.

“No. I want to be here for you.” Never before has she felt so terrified for what the future held for them. She nervously fiddles with her necklace, she doesn’t know what to do with her hands.

“You should have thought about that before you decided to almost kill me.” These words that left her mouth were sharp as swords cutting her sensitive skin. She tried to endure the pain she felt, she wiped at her eyes but it’s useless as new tears kept welling up. The pain was unbearable and her regret felt even worse.

She felt a piercing pain in her heart, Poppy really did know where to hit people where it hurts them the most. “If- If I could take it back-” She swallows thickly; her words are breaking apart with her as she crumbled. She has been restless about this exact thing happening for weeks and now that it’s here, no amount of assurance could ever prepare her.

“You can’t take back what’s already done. And if it were up to me, not the person that possessed me these last 5 years, you wouldn’t even come close enough to breathe in my direction.” Poppy’s eyes harden into an all-consuming fury. Her words were precise and intentional, meant exactly to hurt her. A small part of her was feeling guilty as she watches Morgan crumple in on herself but she stomps it down into nothing.

The words she spat out could have made even grown men cry, what more could she do? Morgan shakes her head vehemently trying helplessly to shake away her words, it’s starting to make her physically sick.

“Poppy-” She tries to implore her to listen, to understand but all she could utter was her name, sounding all at once as a prayer and a plead for forgiveness.

“I said get the fuck out.” She stayed firm in her decision.

She made the choice to leave, feeling deflated and destitute. She shakily dials her parents, she felt like she’s drowning with no surface to break out of and she couldn’t even function well enough or think without breaking down. There’s just things that you can’t undo no matter how hard you try and she thinks about the possibility of not having her wife back, a new wave of fresh sobs shook her body.

“Morgan…” Her mother arrived as soon as she could and hurried to where she was sitting, she looked softly at her, eyes full of love as she encloses her in another warm embrace, trying to calm her down. Her mother looks at her with pity, no mother would ever like to see their child suffer, crumpling under blame and defeat. She whispers soothing words as she cradled her like a baby, tracing her hands in circles at her back, if she could even take away a fraction of her pain she would do it in a heartbeat.

“Mom, I lost her, don’t know what to do, she hates me.” She chokes out, greedily gulping the comfort her mother offered her. She sobbed until her chest hurts from heaving, she felt empty save for the endless pain. “It’s like I’m living in a never ending nightmare, every avenue I take is a dead end.”

“Shhhh, it’s always worse before it gets better. We just have to be patient with her, we have to understand. All we could do is try and love her all the same.” Her mother soothes her wandering mind, it hurts her to see them like this, she knew Morgan secretly blamed herself and wouldn’t listen to anyone when they try to reassure her, and how could she forgive herself when even the person she loved blamed her.

“You love her right?” Her mother asks.

“Beyond anything.” Morgan answers straightaway, her heart may be wounded but her love for Poppy never once wavered, she loved her even at her worst. _For better or for worse._

“Then you just have to have faith in her. Be patient and take it one step at a time, she’s still hurting and confused.” She cradles her child’s face in her hands, wiping away the tears from her face.

“What if she doesn’t remember me at all? I don’t know what I’ll do.” Everything has changed for her, she hated this simple injustice, surely fate couldn’t be much crueler.

_Famous last words._

* * *

**_“Why me, Morgan? You could have chosen any other girls here in Belvoire, I’m not worth any love you offer me, have you forgotten what I did to you?” Poppy asks her, her head nestled on Morgan’s chest. She had days like these, the ones where she felt unworthy of love and needing reassurance._ **

**_“Why not you? You deserve love Poppy, all that and more. I didn’t forget, I forgave you, we all deserve second chances and what a waste it would be if I lived in the past without getting to know you.” She squeezes her tighter, she hated to see her feeling small. “You are beautiful Pop, we’re all just humans trying our best. I love everything about you, the others don’t hold a candle to you. Morgan runs her fingers to her hair, her other hand tracing random patterns on her arms._**

**_“Sometimes I can’t help but feel unworthy of you. I feel like you’re wasting your love on someone like me.” Poppy admits, she knows that her girlfriend understood and she could tell her anything._**

**_“We’ll work on that, Pop. I’ll keep loving you until you have no more doubts, you deserve every ounce of love in this world.”_**

* * *

The next morning, Morgan sat close to Poppy in a chair beside her bed, she listened patiently as the doctor discussed the results to the both of them, Poppy still looked at her in contempt. Yesterday, she decided to take a different room to lessen the stress she gave Poppy, she feared that it reduced the speed of her healing.

She stayed behind in Poppy’s room, feet glued to the floor after the doctor left, leaving them alone. She could almost cut the tension in the room with a knife.

She braved her wrath, whatever the outcome. Her mind and body couldn’t stay still without seeing her and being in another room, she was feeling antsy about not knowing how she was feeling. She bit her lip, subtly feeling for the atmosphere in the room.

“Poppy…” Morgan starts.

“What are you still doing here? I want to be alone.” Poppy felt tired of arguing, of yelling. She wanted to stay angry at her, but deep in her heart she knows she couldn’t keep blaming Morgan for an accident, it’s not like she purposely drove them off road, she learned from the doctor last night that it’s a drunk driver that hit them. She’s angry without reason, it fizzled with a small pop and now she doesn’t know what to feel.

Poppy just wanted to be left in peace before she directs the worst of her mood swings at an unsuspecting Morgan. She is just so annoyingly nice to her, absorbing everything she throws at her, never once complaining and if she’s being honest she’s a little freaked out, still waiting for the ball to drop and she goes back to being an enemy, she remembered her as her nemesis, no matter what amount of loving gazes and reassuring words she offered her.

“I want to be here for you.” She looks at her with determination, and right now it’s something they both needed.

“I’m tired, my head hurts. I don’t have the strength to argue with you. You should just leave.” Poppy tells her quietly, almost pleading.

“Let me help you.”

“Whatever, just shut up. You’re making it worse” No matter how hard she tried to be strong, the empty room seems stifling, there’s no one here for her save for Morgan, who she drove away. “You’re really, really stubborn.” Poppy yields herself to her company, she’s torn between wanting to be left alone and wanting someone with her. She was still waiting for a visit from her parents, no matter how short, but they still haven’t come, she’s getting lonely here alone.

Morgan comes closer cautiously, sometimes it felt like she’s looking at something feral, any quick moves she made causes her to run away, she approaches her like she’s a feral kitten, showing her that she’s harmless. When she’s close enough she runs her fingers through Poppy’s hair, her other hand massaging her temples . She flinches slightly at the touch and just for a moment she thought that Poppy will chew her head off, but instead she shuts her eyes, feeling a little of the pain subsiding gradually.

“Is this okay?” She asks softly, her wife loved this before. Poppy leans closer to the touch, a few minutes later her breathing steadies and she falls asleep. Morgan continues her ministrations long after Poppy fell asleep, this is the only contact Poppy allowed and she misses her, she takes any crumb of closeness she desperately wanted. She clenches her hands to stop the impulse to hold Poppy in her arms, she settles to her fingers softly grazing her scalp. _Patience_

She’s been taking everything slow for days, careful not to spook her. She started with massaging her head during mornings when her head hurts the most and at night until she could fall asleep. She graduated to holding her hand after a few days, she was surprised when Poppy didn’t pull away. Progress is progress no matter how small, she was feeling better each and every day when Poppy becomes more accepting of her touch.

* * *

**POPPY POV**

It’s been a week and there’s no sign of her parents, only Morgan and her strange parents, offering her warmth, it’s downright annoying and awkward, being known by these people and her not knowing them, she hated being coddled by strangers. She wondered how her parents could have allowed her to marry Morgan, they’re not really keen on the idea of same sex love, in fact they hated it. They were conservative, religious and more worried about their social hierarchy than her happiness, any stain on their reputation was unforgivable.

There was one time in her teens, that she fell in love with one of their maid’s daughter who’s the same age as her. She was smart, pretty and funny, they talked about every topic under the sun, she learned a lot of things from her and she absorbed every word she said like a sponge. She realized she felt what she should be feeling for a boy, that scared her. She prayed day and night for forgiveness, suppressing her feelings. She makes a mistake when she asks her mother one day what love felt like, when did she know that she loved her father.

She smiled and said, her heart beats a little too fast and she’s always happy seeing him. She stared at her and realized she felt the same way with her, she naively tells her mother that she might be in love with her friend, the maid’s daughter. Her mother’s smile was replaced with fury and she tells her that it’s not right, to pray for forgiveness.

“You’re still young, don’t let these people corrupt your mind with immoral thoughts.” She leaves her confused and terrified for her soul, a strict religious upbringing was deeply-rooted in her being, she couldn’t go against her parents, she didn’t want to embarrass them, how could they explain to their friends that their only daughter is gay and she might be kicked out, these thoughts kept surfacing in her mind, she heard how her parents talked about gay people. _When was it ever a sin to love, when the church said that the very being of god was love?_

Her mother marched to the kitchen like an angel of vengeance and fires the maid on the spot, giving them nothing in severance. She looked for her friend for days, then it finally dawned on her what was done. She felt heartbreak at such a young age that she didn’t know what the pain in her heart was. She’s summoned to her father’s study the moment her arrived from his business trip, she knocks softly and enters with reluctance, eyes turned down to the floor.

“Your mother tells me that you liked a girl, is this true?” At her silence her father’s fury even got worse. “Answer me!” Her father raises his voice, making her flinch in fear. Tears started blurring her vision, her nails digging into her palm, trying to keep herself from shaking.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” She could sense her mother’s disappointment, her lips curling in disgust.

“I know you won’t because if you did, we’ll ship you back to Korea. You know full well that it’s wrong and you shouldn’t be thinking of that, you’re a Min-Sinclair, no daughter of mine is a sinner. You’re to marry a man who can protect the company and give you heirs, your job is simple. How can I ever rest when the company will fall into your hands?” Her father spat out, words stinging her.

They set her right, home schooling her for a year away from any other children. She matured quickly, learned hiding things and concealing her emotions, she felt alone and unhappy but the cost was too great if she became true to herself. She changed within the year, no more sincere smiles and heart on her sleeve, she began building walls, setting a safe distance for anyone, no one can ever come close to her, unless she wanted them to.

Her parents were happy when she introduced Carter, a classmate from Belvoire, they started dating just a month ago. They were delighted, he was a perfect match for her, he’s athletic, smart, his family is in league with their own and even perfect because he’s a boy. This is the first time her parents told her they were proud, not because of any achievements but because she chose a good match, they could see their brains running, setting up a marriage between them, probably.

He was a good man, the perfect boyfriend, but she has no love for him, her heart’s not in it as much as she wanted to, and God did she want it to. It was the easiest path to take, her parents were happy and he loved her but she can’t help but be sorry for him, she couldn’t return his feelings. She’s absolutely lost in her masquerade and she spent years forcing herself to love him and he knew she didn’t and he loved her still.

* * *

She knows she shouldn’t blame Morgan for the accident but she wanted to hurt someone as much as she’s hurting, she lost a part of herself and she suffered for it, and she found Morgan an easy target for lashing out.

She’s having doubts about Morgan, what if she didn’t call them and just fooled her. Surely they would have sent word by now, not even any of her father’s assistants coming in his stead, no flowers nor letters, even a short call asking her how are you. Nothing, just complete radio silence.

She felt so detached from everything, until days turned into weeks. She’s almost going to be released from the hospital and still no word from them. Where will she go? She couldn’t possibly go home with Morgan, she’s practically a stranger to her now.

She closes her eyes, pleading that they’ll come.


	4. Truth

**_“You should just leave, Morgan. Save yourself, I’m not worth it.” Poppy was crying, pounding her fists against her chest, trying to force her to let go. They stood in the dark of the parking lot following her parents’ disownment. Morgan held her as she broke down completely._ **

****

**_“I’ll never let you go.” Morgan held her tighter against her chest, stilling her hands, refusing to break away from her even for a millisecond. She’s terrified that when she does she would lose her. She takes shallow breaths and realized she had started crying too. She tried to be strong for her but her heart was too heavy._**

**_“I’m worthless, even my parents don’t want me. I can’t offer you anything.” Poppy’s voice was laced with defeat and doubt. She stills her hopeless struggle against Morgan. “God, why are you so stubborn?” Everything pushed down on her all at once, she was grounded only by Morgan’s warm embrace. Her whole body shakes as her tears spilled out uncontrollably._ **

****

**_“You can never be worthless, you are everything to me. I love you and we’ll make it together.” Morgan eradicates every sense of doubt in her mind. They stood there, suspended in a solitary moment of clarity, the sudden change was petrifying and they desperately clung on each other for support._ **

****

**_Morgan rests her cheek in Poppy’s head. She was unsure of what the future held for them but she’s sure that no matter what happens next they’ll take it on together._ **

* * *

It’s been an unbearable week and in between taking care of an uncooperative Poppy, she had to deal with the brunt of her blame when she gets the sudden urge to rub it in her face. She’s struggling and couldn’t keep up with her mood swings but god she tries so hard.

Morgan checks on Poppy first thing in the morning. She panics when she opens the door and sees no trace of her wife, the room was spotless. She limps over to the nurse’s station as fast as her injured foot would allow her. Her words were incoherent; she was so agitated that she almost pulls her hair out in frustration when the nurse asks her to repeat herself.

“My wife! Where is she? Room 202.”

“Just a moment.” She looks at her like a deer in headlights, hurriedly searches her computer. Morgan felt bad for her, she shouldn’t have raised her voice. She’ll apologize later when she’s sure that Poppy’s safe. “Poppy Hughes? She’s transferred earlier to the donor wing.” The nurse gives her the directions to the room.

“What? Why wasn’t I notified?” She calms down slightly, frustration giving way to bewilderment. She sighs at the blank look the nurse gives her. “I’m sorry for being rude. Thank you.” She apologizes to the frightened girl and hurries over to the elevator, pressing the button for the 16th floor.

She rushes to the suite, and for the second time in a row she looks at the scene in shock. Standing before her were Poppy’s parents _,_ she hasn’t seen them for years _._ She stops at the door observing the scene, Poppy was smiling widely as her mother strokes her hair lovingly and her father stiffly by the side of the bed. They noticed her after a few seconds, the silence was deafening as their full attention was focused on her.

Poppy’s parents look at her with a thinly veiled disdain. Her heart almost dropped when her father stepped forward, his cold gaze boring into her. She can almost see the venom seeping out of him before he even uttered anything. He was as intimidating as the day she first met him.

“Why didn’t you call us?” His voice boomed, making Morgan flinch a little. “I had to find out through one of our contacts here that our precious daughter was here.” His lips curl into a sneer, looking down at her like she was a spot of dirt on the linoleum.

_Lies!_ She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, he was laying it on thick. She chances a look at Poppy, her face contorted in anger and mistrust. “I called your secretary, I don’t have your personal number.” Morgan hated how her voice sounded so small against the massive personality of her in laws. She knows that he was purposely driving a divide between the two of them and he knew that she’s aware of what exactly he’s doing. She could swear that his lips curl slightly but in a millisecond it disappears. Morgan doesn’t know how to salvage their progress or what lies they must have fed Poppy when she wasn’t here _._

“It doesn’t matter, we’re here now.” Poppy’s mother chimes in, playing the role of a mediator and a concerned mother. The distance between Poppy and her spanned like an ocean despite it being a few steps away.

“You’re lying, I called y-” She tries to defend herself, words dripping from the tip of her tongue. Not one minute since she’s exposed to her parents, she could already feel herself crumbling.

“Hughes, stop. I heard enough!” Poppy interrupts her. Stopping her before she says something she’ll regret, one thing her parents hated was defiance and one thing Poppy hated was when people talk back and disrespect her parents.

Morgan frowns, she wasn’t even graced with her first name, but at least she’d moved on from calling her Farmsville.

The doctor stops at the doorway and knocks hesitantly, she sensed the tension in the room. This in itself was a small mercy, Morgan couldn’t bear the look of unrestrained anger Poppy directs to her.

“Good you’re here Morgan, I was about to discuss Poppy’s progress.” The doctor glances apologetically to her, she was just informed that Morgan wasn’t notified about the transfer.

“I’m very optimistic about her progress, the brain scans from yesterday were encouraging and I’m fairly confident that your memory will improve with time. I’m still going to recommend her a neuropsychologist to assist in her recovery.”

“Okay, I’ll make sure-”

“We’ll handle everything.” Poppy’s father and Morgan both speak at the same time and make a charged eye contact, a challenge and she’s not going to back down.

“I’ll make sure she gets the best treatment.” Morgan continued. She’s pissed that they just waltzed in and took charge when they’ve been absent for years. 

“When will she regain her memories?” Her mother asks, still running her fingers in Poppy’s hair.

“Nothing is ever certain when it comes to the brain, so we can’t say for sure. What we can do is to continue observing her and I think going back to her normal routine might help jog some of her memories.”

“We’re sure Poppy would love to come home with people that she knows.” Poppy’s father shoots her a mocking look.. Their rehearsed smiles and reassurances they shower Poppy makes her skin crawl. She wondered how far they were willing to stretch this concerned parent act before they specify what they needed from Poppy.

“Come home with us, we’ll take care of you. We’ll take some time off work to spend time with you.” Her mother tries to convince her. Her eyes still locked with Morgan.

‘Anything less for their daughter was considered a crime in their books’, as if they didn’t kick her out without a second glance. Poppy doesn’t know and she looked so happy with the affection her mother showers her with. She’s sure it’ll break her heart, could she really hurt her again? Take her smile away for the nth time? They know she couldn’t so she stares helplessly as they coddled their daughter, making promises that Morgan hoped to god they’ll never break.

“Excuse me? I think Pop should come home with me. Being with me is her normal routine, I’m her wife. She’ll have a higher chance remembering with me.” Morgan pulls up her last reserve of courage.

“She doesn’t even know you anymore. I think it’s best if she recovers with us.” Her father scowls at Morgan, he hated being challenged. “I don’t think our daughter will be comfortable living with you, you’re practically a stranger to her. It’ll just stress her out.”

“Stop putting words in her mouth, let her speak. You haven’t even stopped and asked her what she wanted.”

“I’m sure that’s what she needs.” 

Their argument is starting to get heated. Poppy’s parents haven’t changed a bit. They still thought they knew what’s best for her, never once asking what she wanted. The doctor steps in and ushers all of them out of the room, she admonishes all of them for putting unnecessary stress on Poppy. “I’ll remind you that she’s still recovering, there’s no need to rush her. Please go in one at a time.”

The fight in her was extinguished and her shoulders slump, Poppy’s parents entered the room again and she sits outside waiting for them to leave.

* * *

She knocks quietly later in the afternoon when Poppy’s parents already went home.

“Poppy? Can I come in?” She asks softly, she won’t blame her if she didn’t want to, after what happened this morning.

Poppy briefly considered pretending to sleep to avoid talking to Morgan but she decides against it. Instead she mutters a small ‘okay’. 

“I’m sorry about earlier, I got carried away.”

“You don’t get along with my parents.” Poppy blurts out.

“I-” Morgan comes up empty, stunned by Poppy’s blunt statement. The things that she hasn’t told her were getting harder and harder to keep. She stared at Poppy as if willing her to just forget the statement, she wasn’t ready to tell her yet, not ready to deal with the aftermath.

“Just tell me. I just want to know what’s happening. You’re gonna have to tell me sooner, you know I hate secrets.” Poppy sounded tired, exhausted about being kept in the dark and treated like she’s fragile.

Morgan was quiet for a moment before finally sighing. “You’re right, we don’t get along. They hate me because you chose me over them.” She chose not to disclose the painful details of their disownment. She gauges Poppy’s reaction for a moment. When she saw she was listening curiously she continued. “It’s been years since we last saw or spoke to them. They didn’t agree with the direction you were taking your life and cut us off.”

Poppy stared at her. She gave her former self credit for following her heart. She never would have the courage to defy her parents, let alone leave their side. Finally, she could have some clarity and she was right that her parents couldn’t accept her sexuality. She realized how terrified Morgan was to talk to her, days ago she would have kicked her out for her audacity to speak about her parents the way she did.

“Are you angry? I know you’re surprised about them and I’m sorry.” She felt so small, waiting for Poppy to say something.

“I’m not stupid Morgan, I know they won’t take time off for me. That’s why I questioned what they wanted to make up for, they were unusually affectionate. My father was still working when grandma died, I doubt he’ll sacrifice any time for me over this, I survived anyway.” Poppy was mercifully calm this time, surprising her.

She feels her blood boil, even Poppy knew that her parents were spewing empty words. “Will you go home with them?” Morgan asked her, ready for whatever her response was. She’ll respect her decision whatever it may be.

“Do I have to decide now?”

“You don’t.” She felt a tiny seed of hope because Poppy is considering going home with her. “Do you want me to go?”

“Can you stay for a while? I want to clear some things up.” Poppy smiles a little at the hopeful look in Morgan’s face. She nods and pulls a chair near her bed.

“What do you want to know?” She couldn’t hide her surprise that Poppy took the initiative of asking her.

“How did we get together? Last I remember we hated each other.”

“I could never hate you. I think we were just caught up with people pitting us against each other that we tried so hard to burn each other.” She looks softly at Poppy remembering how broken she was when she lost her reputation. “I befriended you, it was a long journey before we got together, you became my best friend and I was slowly fell for you. Actually, it was you that admitted it first. I was too much of a chicken to let you know.”

Poppy chuckles at her story, shooting her a disbelieving look. She couldn’t be the one who confessed, she repressed her sexuality so it’s impossible that she was brave enough to admit her feelings.

As if reading her mind, she answers the questions that popped in her mind. “You changed then Pop, it was a long and harrowing expedition but we figured it out.

“I was horrible to you. I went out of my way to demean you every single time.”

The statement was reminiscent of the questions Poppy asked her when they were still new. “You were and you inflicted an infinite amount of damage on my reputation.” She joked and feels bad when she sees Poppy’s head hung low in shame. Morgan stood and tilts her chin up and looking her in the eyes. She was so used to joking with each other about their college days and forgot for a moment that this Poppy was doesn’t know anything about what they went through.

“Hey, hey. I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me. You’ve grown Pop, we both did. I forgave you and I understood where you were coming from. You weren’t beyond redemption, you were young and you worked hard unlearning every bad behavior and making the earnest effort to change.” 

There was something weird about the situation. It was an unwelcome sensation for Poppy, she was staring at a person who knew more about her and was with her in every step of the way. It was uncomfortable, being on the wrong side of a one sided intimacy.

“You should go, I’m tired.” Poppy tells her, even faking a yawn for the full effect.

She’ll never forgive herself for messing this up, she was so close and Poppy was opening up. Why did she have to open her stupid mouth? Her smile didn’t reach her eyes, she backs away giving her space. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Poppy replies with a small nod, not trusting her voice. She turns away from Morgan, closing her eyes and waiting for the tell-tale click of the door closing. She should have asked her to stay, the room was too big for one person. She looked back at the door but it was too late, Morgan already left.

She laid awake for a long time, too used to Morgan’s fingers running through her hair lulling her to sleep. Her head hurts and there’s no comfort to be found.

Morgan sat alone at the rooftop garden, enduring the stinging cold. She wanted to feel something else. She only felt the excruciating sadness that always came when Poppy pulls away from her. Memories can be cruel, they can lie and every time she looked at Poppy she sees her loving wife, but she’s not in there anymore. She can’t stand to lose her to her cold-hearted parents. She prayed that Poppy would choose her again, like she did every single time.

Human hearts are selfish and hers was no different. No matter how much she tries to convince herself and say that she’ll respect Poppy’s decisions, there’s a part of her that wants to grab Poppy and just take her home, saving herself the pain when she makes the obvious choice between her and her parents. Could their love still thrive in this crumbling place?


	5. Come Home

**_“When did you know?” She hears Poppy mumble a question out of the blue._**

**_“Know what?” Morgan questions, looking down at her curiously. She tucks a strand of hair behind Poppy’s ear to see her face clearly._**

**_“That you loved me.” Poppy whispered shyly, biting her lower lip nervously before meeting Morgan’s eyes._ **

****

**_There’s a pregnant pause before Morgan finally answered. “I think it was in between our sleepovers, I’ve always had a thing for you and I don’t know when it started specifically. What I could tell you was when I finally admitted it to myself. You remember that one night where you stayed over for a week because I was sick just to make sure I was eating? Yeah… that night.”_ **

****

**_“That long?! Why didn’t you tell me?” Poppy lifts her head and meets her eyes. Frustration clearly reflected on her face._ **

****

**_“Honestly it was cowardice on my part, I thought it was better to stay as your friend than never having you in my life at all. I assumed it was impossible that you’ll ever feel the same way and I was scared shitless at the very thought of losing you._ **

****

**_Poppy slaps her shoulders and fixes her with an angry look. “Seriously? You’re so stupid. You could have saved me weeks of sleepless nights building up the courage to tell you.” She glares at her for having the audacity to laugh._ **

****

**_“Thank you being brave enough to admit it. If it were up to me, it would have taken us years before I gathered enough courage to even utter the words.”_**

* * *

After another week they got an all clear from the doctor, allowing them to finally go home. Things were awkward between the four of them, Morgan decided to avoid Poppy’s parents the best she could in order to save Poppy the stress of dealing with them. 

Poppy felt reluctant to go home, burdened by making the choice between Morgan and her parents. But it felt like forever being stuck in the hospital, she’s just about ready to breathe in fresh air not the overpowering smell of disinfectant and sickness.

Poppy’s parents were waiting for her in the room and so is Morgan, this is the first time in a week that she stood face to face with the Min-Sinclairs. She stood straight and held her ground. The tension within the room was palpable and she tries to show no trace of being intimidated. She wanted to show them that they stood on equal ground with Poppy and she’s as much as a good choice as them, maybe even better.

It was like the gala all over again. Poppy’s parents glared at her as if inspecting every square inch of her being, looking for a perfect chance to hurl vicious insults about her inadequacies and inferior upbringing. They were all waiting for who Poppy will come with. She could feel her heart forcing its way out of her chest, she was nervous as hell and all her worries these past few months were coming at her with full force.

She fiddles with her necklace, the only trace of nervousness in her otherwise cool facade. She lets the habit force her out of her anxious state like it always did. It reminded her of Poppy’s love on days where she has trouble reminding herself, days just like this.

* * *

A while later Poppy comes in from one last scan, Morgan spins quickly, facing her wife. She smiled softly, Poppy never failed to make her heart flutter each time she gazes at her, she was completely and utterly captivated. Poppy’s father makes the first move, a forced smile plastered on his face as he takes her luggage, that move breaks Morgan out of the moment.

_Right._ For a second, Morgan forgot where she was and what she was supposed to do. Many of their shared moments raced through her mind, choosing this very moment to come spilling out, leaving her distracted.

“Ready to come home with us?” Poppy’s mother steps forward and pulls her daughter in for a hug, she awkwardly reciprocated her mother’s stiff hug for a few seconds before pulling away.

Morgan stood there out of place. It was like seeing a hallmark card with all the fake smiles and gestures the models try to make you buy, only to notice their eyes were blank. Poppy’s gaze flickers up to her, Morgan smiles and holds her gaze for a charged moment before she deflects it back to her parents.

Poppy nervously clears her throat to answer her mother’s question. “I’m sorry Mom, I think I’ll go home with Morgan.” Her mother’s face contorts into fury for a moment before finally regaining control, the change was so fast that Morgan wondered if it was a trick of the light. Her mother quickly schools her face into a look of concern and forces a smile, a tiny part of Morgan was impressed at how quickly she puts her mask back on.

“But dear, wouldn’t it be best if you recovered at home? I’ll take better care of you. I’m just worried about you, I don’t want to let you out of my sight.” Her mother tries her best to convince her. Even Morgan was surprised, she thought it was inevitable that Poppy would choose her parents, she watches as Mrs. Min-Sinclair’s smile slipped off her face as her plans quickly went down the drain.

“It’s just for a while, I could always come home anytime. The doctor said it was for the best since the memories that I lost were of Morgan. I have to fill in the blanks.” Poppy was oblivious about the change in her mother’s mood for a while before she really looked closer at her displeasure and her father’s scowl. It left a lingering chill in her body, it felt strangely familiar yet she couldn’t place it.

Her parent’s faces were contrasted by Morgan’s beaming smile. It made her feel warm and at ease, she can’t help but smile back.

Morgan could feel the tension and dread bleeding off of her. She smiles in silent encouragement at Poppy’s choice. She came forward, taking Poppy’s bag from her father. 

“Can I take this?” She gestures to the bag her father was holding. She asks quietly, moving cautiously. She wasn’t ready to deal with their fury if she made a bad move. The circumstances of this meeting was less than ideal, she wanted to exit hastily in case her parents tried to convince Poppy to reconsider.

The nurse comes in with a wheelchair, ready to wheel Poppy out of the hospital. Morgan turns for the door to follow but Poppy’s mother catches her by the arm, forcing her to stay back. The door closes behind them and she feels a chill run down her spine, she felt like a prey surrounded by vicious predators. The room felt stifling, like the air was sucked out of it.

“Don’t be too smug and think you’ve won. This situation is temporary. She’ll come running back to us when she gets bored of your appalling lifestyle. You’ll see.” She says in a low voice forcing each word out painfully through gritted teeth. Her firm grip leaves red crescents at the underside of Morgan’s arm.

“Poppy is not a prize to be won. Let’s all be mature about this, it’s her choice. You should respect it like I would have if she ever did choose you. I think we want the same thing, for her to be safe and healing.” She bites back, shrugging off the hands gripping her arm. She tried her best to keep her arm from shaking, keeping it steady against her side. Of course it was wishful thinking, hoping Poppy’s parents would back away quietly.

She couldn’t show it but she was terrified of Poppy’s parents, they have the capacity to retaliate in the most awful of ways. She turns around to leave with some ounce of remaining dignity. They won’t ever listen to a word she’ll say, it’s just a waste of breath talking with unreasonable people who already made it their mission to hate you.

Morgan closes the door behind her, not sparing a glance back at their reaction. She focuses instead on Poppy’s guarded expression. She smiles reassuringly, putting her at ease. She hides her stinging arm from her view, she’s fairly sure that it’s going to start bruising and didn’t want to worry her already tense wife.

“Everything okay? What did they want to talk about?” Poppy asks her softly, genuinely curious.

“They wanted to be sure about your care.” Morgan lied through her teeth. Deciding to leave out the unsettling conversation with her parents. She was going home with her wife, Poppy choose her over them, she won’t let them ruin her day.

“Ready to go?” Morgan quickly changes the subject and settles her other hand on Poppy’s shoulder. She hated keeping secrets from her wife but she doesn’t want to disillusion her and put an unnecessary amount of tension between her and her parents. 

“I’m ready.” Poppy looked unconvinced but decided to drop the subject. She’s not ready to deal with another level of complicated.

They meet up with Morgan’s parents outside, settling at the backseat of their range rover. The car was too big, it made Poppy feel uncharacteristically nervous, maybe it was from the lingering trauma from the accident. She was confused because how could she be scared when she remembered nothing. Morgan held her hands, she wasn’t aware that they had started shaking. She squeezes it in assurance, stilling her fidgeting.

“You’ll be safe, it’s a short drive. Dad will drive carefully.” Morgan tries her best to radiate calmness despite being a wreck herself, she smiles shakily at Poppy. She swallows a lump in her throat, she had her own trauma, choosing to hide it and deal with her wife’s troubles instead.

Poppy doesn’t seem to notice her struggle, choosing to close her eyes and praying the drive to end quickly. Morgan subtly wipes the cold sweat from her forehead, she was sweating bullets, she turns her head away hiding her fearful face from view. They thankfully arrive back home within 30 minutes, it was unbearable for both of them. Her legs were shaking as she walks out, she summons every amount of strength she had to hide it. They walk arm in arm, supporting Poppy as they walk the path to their home. 

Okay so this isn’t what she was expecting, the house looked decent from the outside, she was half expecting Morgan to bring her to a farmhouse.

Morgan sets her hand on the doorknob, she takes a fleeting glance over her wife to see if she’s ready. As they enter Poppy looked around in surprise, her eyes flickering between the framed photos lining the walls to the décor. She grips Morgan’s hands instinctively, she would never admit it but she needed her to anchor her to reality. All around them were signs of an alternate universe, showing her a life that she couldn’t remember.

Poppy walked slowly, taking her time to look at every single photo. She stops and stares at the largest one, a beautifully framed photo displayed proudly at the living room, their wedding photo. It erased every doubt in her mind about Morgan. This version of her was looking up at Morgan with as much love as she could muster. She looked so happy, so happy in fact that it made her feel a pang of regret for forgetting, feeling a little envious at how happy she looked. She couldn’t even think of a time when she ever smiled that genuinely or when it ever reached her eyes. Photo Morgan looked back at her as if she was her world, her hands sweeping a few stray strands of blonde hair that concealed her face. She bit her lip roughly, trying to stop the urge to cry.

“Hey, let’s go up? The doctor said you should rest immediately.” Morgan interrupts her thoughts. She takes her hands gently off Poppy’s iron grip, and lays it on her shoulder to gently steer her towards the stairs. Her eyes were still scrutinizing every picture they come across, she recognized some of the background from Belvoire and the others were completely unrecognizable.

“When was this taken?” This particular one was different from the others, her smile was still wide but her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. Morgan’s arm were around her, the other she assumed was taking the photo. She was smiling as she kissed her cheek, tear tracks present in her cheek as well.

“I took it immediately after I proposed, well after you tackled me and cried. You used to tell me you hated it because you weren’t prepared but you eventually admitted that you love it.” She chuckles softly, she remembered how Poppy asked her back then if she could at least retouch her make-up. She wrapped an arm around her and took the picture anyway.

Poppy nodded, reluctantly tearing her eyes away and continuing to make their slow ascent up the stairs. Morgan leads her to the master bedroom, she leans her face away as she felt a blush creeping up her neck. It made her nervous to enter the space she shared intimately with Morgan.

The room was cozy and inviting unlike her minimalist bedroom back at home. She could tell they spent a lot of time here, the books they were still reading laid untouched at the night stand. Morgan’s flannel jacket still hung at the back of a chair, honestly she’s overwhelmed surrounded by traces of her and Morgan intertwined in every inch of the bedroom. A few days ago she would have found it hard to accept that she was really her wife but the evidence was clear.

“Do you want to freshen up? I could prep you a bath.” At her small nod, she drops the bags near the dresser and gathers some of Poppy’s clothes. She walks to their en suite and walks around confidently, Poppy stood awkwardly she doesn’t know if she should help or what she should be doing.

“It’s ready, call me if you need anything. I’ll be right outside.” She guides her to the bathroom. Morgan heaves a sigh when the door closes and sat down on the bed, she listened intently for any signs of distress in Poppy’s part. She lays down, her feet still planted to the ground. She stared at the ceiling, wondering how to go about helping Poppy with remembering. She was laying there staring up intently for a few minutes, that she failed to notice Poppy coming back. She cleared her throat catching her attention, she immediately sits up.

“You should rest, Pop. I’ll show you around tomorrow.” She stands and gathers her own clothes from the dresser, she was half way to the door when Poppy stops her.

“Where are you going?” Poppy asks, trying to act unaffected. She was internally debating whether she should really be kicking Morgan out of her own room.

“I’ll be right across the hall. I wasn’t sure you’ll be comfortable with me here.” Morgan stops in her tracks, meeting Poppy’s eyes cautiously. She should have asked Poppy to make sure she’s comfortable with that or if she wanted her to be further at the other side of the house. She wanted to make sure she’s within calling distance if ever Poppy needed anything.

“Can you stay? At least until I can fall asleep.” She looked at Morgan expectantly. She hated to ask but she didn’t want to be alone in an unfamiliar place. Her need for company overpowered her awkwardness around Morgan, at least she’s not that unfamiliar. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” She admits, her voice barely a whisper, ducking her head in embarrassment.

“Of course.” Morgan she presses her lips together to hide the grin threatening to break out. “Do you want me to massage your head?” She stood at the side of her bed for a moment. She can’t focus on anything else but the anticipation of actually lying beside her wife after months.

“Okay.” Poppy says quietly.

Morgan lays down her side of the bed. She lifts her hands and runs it through her long strands of blonde hair. Poppy scoots back and relaxes to the touch. She lets herself be engulfed by the floral scent from Poppy’s conditioner. After her continuous ministrations Poppy eventually fell sound asleep. She soon follows after, dreaming about her wife. 

* * *

**_They laid side by side, shoulders almost touching. They were laying over the picnic blanket and gazing at the stars overhead. Poppy scoots closer to her, laying her head in her chest, wrapping an arm over her abdomen._**

**_“When did you decide that you wanted to marry me?”_ ** ****

**_“Since the first time you said you loved me.” Morgan surprises her, she expected her to say in months or a year. “I thought back then that you were it for me, I know it was too early to tell but the thought of you marrying someone else made me unbelievably sad. I vowed to myself that I would do absolutely everything to make you happy and make sure I’d end up being your wife.”_** ****

****

**_“What took you so long? If you asked then, I would have said yes too.” Poppy can’t help shedding a few stray tears._**

**_She chuckles at her statement. “Thank you for saying yes now.”_ **


	6. Baby Steps

**_They were walking hand in hand along the streets of New York, Morgan bursts out laughing at Poppy’s stories. She’d do anything for moments when her wife gave her snippets of her happy childhood._ **

****

**_“So yeah. They eventually found under a cocktail table after the party dozing off. It was quite possibly the worst moment of my life when they extracted me from down under with all their eyes at me. I was saved by an eccentric investor falling off his chair laughing.”_ **

****

**_“I- That’s the most adorable thing I ever heard.” She feels the shaking of Morgan’s shoulders._ **

****

**_They came to an abrupt stop when Poppy paused and looked longingly at a music store, face now devoid of humor. It felt bittersweet looking at the instruments, some part of her longed to run her fingers over the piano keys but some part of her gets kind of anxious even looking at one now. Her parents sucked, they tried to take whatever ray of happiness she got from playing._ **

****

_**“We can go in, you know?” Morgan smiles softly, every time they pass by a music store Poppy’s eyes are locked to the window, she always seemed to depraved herself of something and maybe it’s time to figure it out.** _

****

**_“No, no, it’s fine.” Her voice comes out barely more that a whisper. She meets Morgan’s deep blue eyes, mouth curved into a grin as she pulls her inside and Poppy reluctantly follows._ **

****

**_It was a slow day and the store was mostly deserted, the old couple manning the counter waves them in. They sat side by side on a piano bench, Poppy absently testing a few keys. Morgan gently prodded her with her elbow, encouraging her to play something._ **

****

**_“It’s been years since I last played. I don’t know if I could still-” Poppy felt her fingers stiffen._ **

****

**_“Hey babe, it’s okay if you don’t want to. We could just look around or leave, whatever you want.” Morgan wished she didn’t act on impulse so often; she was afraid that she dredged up bad memories from Poppy’s childhood, and they were having such a good time earlier, what will she ever do with her stupid mouth._ **

****

**_“No- It’s just… Playing the piano was the only thing that... I haven’t played since before Uni.” Her fingers hover over the keys, frozen in place._ **

****

**_Muscle memory is a curious thing, there’s just some things you think your mind forgets but your body remembers. A split second later Poppy began to play a melody that surrounded them, Morgan’s eyes were focused on her hands for the majority of the song. Morgan watched her slender fingers glide effortlessly along the keys, then her eyes strayed up to her face, Poppy’s eyes are closed and her carefree expression enraptured her._ **

****

**_Then the final notes rang out and Morgan was speechless. She wondered why Poppy stopped playing at all, she’s a virtuouso for goodness sake!_ **

****

**_“It was my passion and I loved it. I entertained the idea of pursuing it professionally but my mother didn’t want to… You know how it is. I guess I win the dysfunctional childhood award now.” Poppy chuckles bitterly, answering her unvoiced questions._ **

****

**_“You didn’t deserve any of it, it’s fucked up what they did and maybe in some twisted way they think they know better but that doesn’t give them the right to take anything from you then and now. You’re free to pursue anything, you could be whatever you want, do whatever you want.” Morgan reaches for her hands. There’s a few choice words Poppy’s parents deserved to be plastered across their foreheads and none of them comes to a fraction of what she called them behind their backs._ **

****

**_“Don’t you think it’s too late for that? I mean… I don’t know.”_ **

****

**_“Of course not. But it’s your choice, I’ll be right here supporting you and be your number one fan.” Morgan grins and kisses her cheeks._ **

****

**_“I think I’m okay with it being a hobby but I hope you’ll still be my fan then? Of course you have no choice, I’ll force you to be but it’s nice to hear out loud.” Poppy laughs, her previous mood was replaced with a giddy smile._ **

****

**_“Always.”_ **

****

**_“I’ll teach our kids to love music.” Poppy dreamily tapping a short children’s song._ **

****

**_Morgan chokes in on air and starts coughing. They haven’t talked about having kids and it caught her off guard._ **

****

**_“You okay?” Poppy asks in concern, rubbing her back._ **

****

**_“You want kids? With me?” Morgan chokes out a question, struggling to look composed._ **

****

**_“Of course, with you, dummy but only if you want to. I know we haven’t… I haven’t been forthcoming with the idea of kids but somehow with you, I want to. Not this instant but in the near future and I’m going to teach them but only if they want to. I won’t be one of those parents and God forbid my parents. Oh god what if I turn into-”_ **

****

**_Morgan silences her with a kiss. Grinning, she gently tilts Poppy’s chin up, her eyes reflecting adoration. “Slow down. You just surprised me, you know? I’d love to have kids with you, to be honest I was thinking about it recently.” Looking at her wifes, hesitant but hopeful expression, her gaze softens. She puts her hand over Poppy’s, giving it a comforting squeeze._ **

****

**_“I’m terrified that our kids will end up like me- they don’t know they’re loved or if I’m too emotionally challenged to even give them what they deserve. What if I’m too messed up, my only example of upbringing are my parents. I’m scared I’ll end up like them.” Poppy looks down at their joined hands._ **

****

**_“I know you're scared. Who your parents are or what they did doesn’t define you. The fact that you’re horrified that you’ll be like them tells me you’ll be different, that you’ll strive to be a great parent. We’ll be in it together, always. ”_ **

****

**_Poppy blushes fiercely but her smile was radiant._ **

****

**_I know they’ll want you to teach them, they couldn’t possibly pass up an awesome teacher. I know I won’t.” She winks and shoots Poppy a dopey grin. She loved getting glimpses of their future together, it’s nice having someone be so sure that you’d end up together and making future plans for the rest of your life. They’d raise a family and have a great life together, she can’t wait._ **

****

**_A week later, Poppy gets home ahead of Morgan. She smiles excitedly when she sees the den cleared up, a shiny black piano sitting in the middle of the room, waiting for her. This room is going to be well loved, she can picture their future so vividly and before she knew it, she starts to step forward, images of her future rewriting her past._ **

* * *

****

****

Navigating their new life isn’t easy and she’s afraid that it won’t ever be easy. She was so careful around Poppy, it felt like she’s threading through eggshells but she's determined. Poppy was here and she chose her, that has to count for something, right?

They still haven’t spoken about what happened their first night back, the way they were entangled together in bed, not a peep, as if it never happened and she’s starting to question her own memory. Morgan is afraid to ask, lest she obliterates what fragile peace existed between them and Poppy doesn’t acknowledge anything, choosing to brush the incident off and Morgan had no choice but to let it go. Was she reading too much into it? Only the walls could tell.

She had since moved herself and most of her things to the adjacent guest room and since they’ve had close to no progress. She could see that Poppy’s trying so hard to adjust and to know more but sometimes she just clams up and shuts her out, covering her fear with anger.

Morgan has been having relentless nightmares night after night, reliving the graphic scenes of the accident every time she attempts to sleep. She forgoes sleep entirely after waking up, the resulting dark circles in her eyes growing more pronounced each passing day. She’s functioning, as well as a sleep deprived zombie could, fuelled entirely by sheer force of will and pure black coffee, the type to restart a heart that stopped beating. In hindsight maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, because now she couldn’t sleep for two days straight. Her mind are off the walls but her body is so so tired.

Some days she struggled to keep her hands from shaking, from lack of sleep or from her nightmares, she couldn’t tell. She was debating between the foolishness of keeping everything bottled up or the wisdom of speaking with a therapist, like she’s supposed to do after getting released from the hospital.

She’s catching up to her previous routine save for work and settling on their house doesn’t seem to make that much difference to Poppy’s memory, zilch. Sometimes Morgan finds herself defeated, trying to grasp a semblance of a handle to her life spinning out of control. She sometimes finds herself searching Poppy’s eyes for a flicker of recognition and when she finds none, she cycles through the stages of grief she’s become so acquainted with.

* * *

Morgan swirled her coffee cup, looking intently at the black liquid as if it will start spouting out answers for her. When she hears Poppy begin to venture downstairs, she tips her cup upwards swallowing the remainder of the bitter liquid down. She stands up to brew a fresh batch of coffee. She shoves everything she’s thinking about and feeling to the back of her mind, she’s got no time to deal with it now. Maybe things will miraculously work out in the end, but right now Poppy is her priority.

Poppy settles in one of the barstools, observing her movements intently. "What's my routine for breakfast?” Poppy asked, her gaze running over the kitchen, feeling like she should do something useful than just sit in bed like she did the past few days. This time she’s determined to help and figure things out. Though the past few days were nice, who could complain about being waited on hand and foot?

“You cook breakfast and I make the coffee.” Morgan turns to look at her in surprise and offers her an encouraging smile. 

“I- I don’t remember how to cook.” Poppy resisted the urge to squirm in her seat, she imagines a surreal image of her standing in front of the range and yet she couldn’t place herself being domestic, she thought maybe a stepford wife or a business woman who has no time for cooking things, too busy to learn. She guessed that luxury didn’t last forever or else Morgan would have hired a cook.

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll remember eventually.” Morgan tries to appear positive but it fell flat. She catches on and the atmosphere in the room went from comfortable to awkward rather quickly. Her hand comes up to the back of her neck, feeling sheepish.

Poppy gives her a blank stare in response, her arms protectively wrapping around herself. The silence hang over them.

Her words came off all wrong and Poppy misinterpreted it. She hated seeing her like this and to top it all off it was her fault. Her smile faltered, quickly trying to take back what she said to save the situation. In her endless need to fill the silence she apologizes without thinking. “I’m sorry Babe. I didn’t mean to-” She freezes and clamps her mouth shut, realizing her slip up. The lack of sleep is impending her ability to think properly resulting to her thoughts running all over the place.

Poppy directs her gaze elsewhere, hiding her unease and letting Morgan’s slip up fly over her head. She’s not at all affected by that but…

“Sorry. It was a slip of tongue.” Morgan apologizes, voice soft and measured. _So much for starting the day right._ Morgan tries to steel herself for an onslaught of intense spats, she waited with baited breath for Poppy to say something.

“It’s fine.” Poppy mutters dryly after a torturous moment, dismissing Morgan’s slip. She riffes through several shelves and drawers, focusing her attention elsewhere.

“Bottom shelf, second from the last.” Morgan sees her struggle and helps out.

“Yeah, I got it.” Poppy is on the verge of snapping. She whirled away from her irritably.

“Can you reach it?” Morgan already reaches for the mugs, her hands accidentally grazing Poppy’s.

“Cut that out. Stop hovering over me.” Poppy snaps and fixes her with a withering glare. She hated being treated like a child, it makes her boil with frustration. Before she knew it she’s ready to tear Morgan down.

“I’m sorry, Pop.” Morgan mentally admonishes herself, Poppy’s words slicing through her. She stood there silent, eyes downcast in shame.

“If this if you keep treating me like something fragile or helpless, I’m going to level you. I could do it, don’t test me.” Poppy is simmering with a barely restrained anger, innocent slip up from Morgan is enough to catapult her into a fit and no matter how hard she tries to contain it, it just made it even worse. She watches Morgan flinch and begin to retreat on herself. 

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable, I didn’t mean to.” Morgan’s stomach twists in knots and she backs away in resignation. Had she ruined it? With her sleeping schedule all messed up, her filter apparently followed suit but that’s no excuse. She’ll try to be better, Poppy deserves that.

The silence that followed was too loud. Morgan runs a hand over her face, looking remorseful and tired, neither one attempting to break the fragile peace. Her hands twitched, second guessing her decision not to reach out to Poppy.

Poppy strides away from the kitchen and Morgan squashes every intent to run after her, giving her room to breathe. She just needs time, that's all. She takes the coffee pot and pours herself a cup and pouring the rest down the drain, maybe getting out would be a good idea. Maybe it’s cabin fever, making them both a little stir crazy. She’ll pitch that idea later, when Poppy has the chance to cool down.

She cooks her breakfast, leaving it covered on the counter, in case she ever did get hungry. She goes back to the guest room, foregoing her own breakfast. As she walked through the hall, she shoots a lingering glance over Poppy’s door.

Morgan laid in bed and stared blankly up at the ceiling, pressing her palm over her eyes, stinging from exhaustion or maybe from incoming tears, she doesn’t dwell on it. Her body was so tired but her mind was wide awake. She looks at Poppy’s photo, taking comfort in her smile, the memory of her wife loving her and choosing her is the only thing keeping her together. She makes a promise that she’ll win her back again, no matter what it takes. She can’t help feeling hope tug on her chest. She drifts off to sleep, the caffeine finally losing it’s edge.

* * *

**POPPY’S POV**

She retreated back to her room, she was too highstrung and being in the same room as the source of her frustration makes her even worse. They lost all their progress, a comfortable pace in their relationship and it fell apart and snapped like a twig. Never one to spare feelings and coupled with her mood swings, she never had any reluctance to tear the other person down but everytime she sees the hurt in Morgan’s face, something twists inside her and she couldn’t place it. Was it guilt or her lingering affections- She stops her train of thought. She will not go there, she tries to focus on something else.

After pacing back and forth, she’s starting to regret skipping breakfast. She’s getting kind of hungry. She sneaks down to the kitchen with the intention of raiding the fridge for something that she doesn’t have to cook. She hoped to God, Morgan wasn’t there.

She moves cautiously across the hall to the kitchen, the corners of her lips turns up into a smile when she sees no sign of Morgan. She sees the food in the middle of the island, she picks up the letter.

**_I’m so sorry about earlier. In case you get hungry._ **

**_-M_ **

She couldn’t help the smile from blooming on her face, feeling ever slightly grateful for Morgan’s thoughtfulness even after she bit her head off. She sighs as she settles on the barstool to eat. She couldn’t avoid her forever, was that even an option? It would be difficult seeing that they’re at the same house. She lies in wait when Morgan appears around the corner, like she always seem to do. When she doesn’t show up she finds herself looking for her and exploring the house more, her fingers tracing things that catch her interest.

She knocks softly on Morgan’s bedroom door. This is the last place she looked for, delaying the inevitable. When she hears no response, she pushes the door open. She sees Morgan soaked in sweat, eyes shut tight and thrashing. Poppy rushes to her side in a blink.

_They’re spinning out of control and there’s blood everywhere. Her head turned involuntarily and no matter how many times she’d seen this scene there’s no escape. Her eyes fall to Poppy’s bloodied face, her eyes glassy, unseeing._

_“No! Poppy!” She screamed her throat raw but there’s no sound coming out of her mouth. Morgan struggled to free herself from her seat but the seat belt only constricted her tighter, not letting her go._

_“Why did you kill me? Don’t you love me anymore?” Poppy’s voice came out like an groan of jumbled words. She started getting off her seat being pulled back by an unseen force, pulling her further and further away from Morgan._

_“No… Please don’t leave.” She reached out for her hand, the seat belt digging painfully on her neck. “I love you, just take me with you!”_

“Hey, hey.” Poppy sits in the edge of the bed. Trying hopelessly to wake Morgan up from her nightmare. 

Morgan sits up suddenly and looks around, she’s still half awake and didn’t know how to shake the awful emotions from her dream still lingering in the edges of her mind. She closes her eyes trying to desperately ground herself, she grabs a fistful of her blanket just to remind herself that she’s not driving and that she’s at home, that Poppy's alive, she didn't kill her.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay. It’s just a dream.” Poppy lays a hand on her back and rubs soothing circles. She hoped it’s not a nightly occurance, her nightmare looked devastating.

Morgan opens her eyes and stares at her, swallowing the pleas that settled heavily on the tip of her tongue, it seemed like a dream that Poppy’s still here, she’s still feeling terrified of truly losing her. Her heart still hammering, threatening to jump out of her chest and fall to the floor.

“You’re okay. You’re safe.” Poppy strokes her hair, hoping to god that she’s actually doing something right for once.

After a few minutes of silence and continuous ministrations, they both notice their proximity and position and both feel awkward about it.

“Do you have nightmares often?” Poppy asks, her hands automatically soothed Morgan.

“Well… Maybe once or twice?” Morgan tries to dodge the question, she should be taking care of Poppy not the other way around. Her heart still pounded rapidly, the emotions she felt in the dream lingered and fed the guilt she’s feeling, it’s her fault and she couldn’t live with herself. Her gaze flickers over to Poppy, she’s reassuring herself that she’s here and she didn’t kill her like what she did in her worst nightmares.

“How long? And don’t you dare lie.” Poppy looks at her suspiciously, her hands stilling for a moment, waiting for an answer.

“Every night, everytime I sleep maybe more accurate? I don't know?” Morgan looked smaller, glancing over to Poppy worriedly. “I mean- It’s not even a big deal. You know? I'll deal with it, you don't have to worry." She scoffs, trying to save face.

Poppy glares at her and she flinches. “Was it about the accident?”

“Yeah. But look, it doesn’t matter. Really. If I disturbed you, I'm sorry." She attempts to stand up but Poppy’s hands kept her in place.

“It matters and we should talk about it, if you’re uncomfortable with me then you should really talk to someone about it, a therapist or let’s ask Dr. Emery. Like you were so adamant that I should do. Remember?”

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with you but I don’t want to think about it anymore. Let’s just drop it, okay?” She her voice betrayed her irritation. She successfully extracts herself from Poppy’s grip, quickly putting distance between them, when she just wanted to give in and let herself be the one to be comforted.

When Poppy stood up and leaned to the door, her expression unreadable, she braces herself for another argument, feeling a growing sense of doom. When Poppy’s looks softens she was surprised. “When you’re ready, I’ll be here- if you want to talk about it.” She drops it but they will revisit it another time and she’ll make sure of it.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Morgan asks desperate to have a change of subject.

“Right, that. I actually came to say that I’m sorry. I’m just used to doing things by myself and you were encroaching on my space..” Poppy manages to apologize, Poppy brought her eyes up to look at Morgan’s face.

“I understand. I’m sorry for overwhelming you too.” Morgan’s mouth quirks into a guarded smile. “Are we okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry I’ve been short on you. I’ll work on my temper.” She could tell that morgan was stifling a chuckle.

“It’s okay Pop, we’ll work on this together.”

“You’re being too nice, you’re making me feel bad.”

“Don’t be, I just- I’ll try to hold back on my hovering. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable, just tell me when I’m getting too overbearing.”

Poppy visibly relaxes accepting the offer.

“I think we should start as friends, I don’t think I could catch up with the level of your feelings and maybe I’ll find it an easier time adjusting with someone I could consider as a friend.”

  
“Lets do that.”

“Good. Now, show me around the house, like you promised.” Poppy exits the bedroom in a snap, Morgan stumbles after her.

Poppy stopped at the music room, she could tell they spent a lot of time here. She walks around the piano, dragging her fingers along the surface. She wondered if she could still play, she hoped her hand wasn’t damaged enough to be unable to play. “Did I begin playing again?” She managed to ask.

“Yeah, two years ago now. Are you okay?” Morgan’s calm expression melts into worry.

“I’m fine.” She muttered, walking towards the door without a looking back.

Morgan decided to let the topic go. Choosing to keep her fragile peace with Poppy, she follows her out to the living room. She thought of another idea, she hoped she’d be accepting. “So, I was thinking…”

“That’s dangerous for you.” Poppy stated, voice devoid of any hostility. Morgan sighs in mock exasperation, her smile betraying what she feels.

“Okaayyy, maybe we could spend the day together? Outside for lunch, maybe a change of scenery might be good. You know the places we used to frequent, all walking distance of course. Maybe even help you to blend into our regular routine. Only of you want to, I’m not forcing you to come but maybe a change-” Morgan stumbled over her words, wanting to assure Poppy that she could refuse. _Maybe it will jog your memory was left unsaid._

“Just stop with the word vomit. I’ll go.” Poppy looks at her curiously. “Wait-Where are we going?”

“There’s this place that we like, a little mom and pop resto a block from here. Is it okay?” Morgan beams, her previous gloomy demeanor taking the backseat. She was happy that her suggestion was met with approval. It’s the perfect plan, surely there has to be something that will remind Poppy.

“Come on.” Morgan chuckles, a little of her excitement bleeding off of her.

“What? Like right now?”

“Only if you want to.”

They walk together, in comfortable silence. Poppy was looking at every turn they take, committing everything to memory. Just in case, half of her expected Morgan to leave her in the middle of the street. She finally let go of her hand as they stopped outside a small restaurant.

The bell rings as they step through the door. The two of them were immediately engulfed in a fierce hug. Poppy tensed immediately, her posture straightening a little bit more. She pales considerably and her hand felt clammy, indicative of her discomfort in the situation. Who is this stranger suffocating her, before she could elbow her way out, she’s mercifully released.

“We’re so glad you’re okay. We were so worried. Something wrong dear?” The owner asked, confused by Poppy’s distant gaze.

“Ah, can I talk with you for a moment? Let me just grab Pop a table.” Morgan looks apologetically at Poppy, she haven’t thought it’ll end up this way. She gently touches Poppy by the small of her back, leading her to a table. “I’m sorry, let me go speak to them, I’ll be back.” They settle for a spot along the back wall, secluded from the rest of the tables, giving them privacy. She stands there second guessing if she should stay.

“Go. I’m fine.” Poppy nods, assuring her that she’s not mad. She did promise she’ll work on it with Morgan.

“Okay. Just give me a moment.” Morgan said with a small smile. She sees her checking on her over her shoulder.

She looks around this restaurant, a little hole in a wall restaurant with a family style service. They’re on a discreet table overlooking the others. She could tell it was a popular place, it just wasn’t the peak hour. Moderately sized room, the chairs were mismatched but it gave it character.

She looked around for Morgan and sees her talking to what she assumed were the owners, she sees them look back at her periodically, in what she assumed was the look of pity in her periphery. The woman was wiping her eyes and the next thing she sees was Morgan being pulled into another embrace. When she sees her start to head back, she directs her gaze somewhere else.

“Hi, sorry about that. I had to tell them why we’d been gone for a while. A few months is a long time and they were worried. Is it okay?” Morgan explained, checking in on what Poppy is feeling. She waits for her response, anxiously nibbling her bottom lip.

“I’m not mad. Don’t worry about it.” Poppy swallows hard. She hadn’t mentioned to Morgan how she’s close to having a panic attack around strangers coddling her, knowing more about her life than her.

“If I ever-” Morgan starts, cut off by their server appearing beside them. She stops talking and shifts her attention to the man.

“Hi, can I take your order?” He stared at the jagged scar that ran through the right side of Poppy’s neck, down to her arms. A portion of it not entirely hidden by her hair and her shirt.

Morgan seethes silently, stopping herself from flying off her chair and attacking the man. She clenches her fist in her lap, silently cursing the man’s inability to keep his eyes in a respectful spot. She clears her throat, capturing his attention.

“Have you decided your order?” Their server asks oblivious to her state. 

“ _Maybe if you stopped staring at my wife, I would have.”_ Morgan mumbles under her breath. “The special.”

He scribbles the order and his gaze falling back to Poppy, to the same spot. She could tell that he was curious and just a moment away from asking. “For the lady?”

“I could have chosen one if you weren’t making things difficult by staring at me. Stop with the looks or lose an eye.” Poppy says without removing her eyes from the menu. “I’ll have the same.”

He nods, turning red from embarrassment. He scampers away after taking the menu. Morgan thought the guy swallowed his own tongue. They stay silent for a moment before Morgan reaches over and squeezes her hand. 

“I’m sorry, if I knew he’d do that I could’ve taken you somewhere else. Want me to do something about him?” Morgan is halfway off her seat, eyes trained to the man’s retreating back.

“I doubt you’re the violent type. You don’t have to apologize for somebody else’s actions, ever. It’s fine, really.” Poppy assures her, the distant look in her eyes is back. “Give me a moment, okay?” She stands up without waiting for her reply, she heads for the restroom.

Her dismissive tone wasn’t sufficient enough to convince Morgan, she follows her to make sure she’s really okay. Poppy may hide it enough but Morgan’s trained eye could see the subtle signs of shame and frustration in her movements.

“Poppy…” Morgan trails off and her words dying off her lips as she sees the look on Poppy’s face, she’s rendered speechless.

“I’m not in a good place right now, Morgan. Please, can you go? I’ll come back out in a minute. Please, I don't want to fight right now, I don't want to yell at you." Poppy immediately raises her hands before Morgan can try to come near her. She needed to sort herself out before her mood slowly morphed into something more untamed, she was trying to rein it in. She didn’t want another repeat fight with her.

“Okay.” She lets out a resigned sigh, respecting her request but still wanted to be within calling distance in case she ever did need her. She leans into the wall outside the restroom, shooting a death glare at the server who made Poppy feel this way. She decided to take full responsibility if he ever gets close enough for her to maim him.

A few minutes later when Poppy had successfully collected herself she comes out, staring in surprise at Morgan. “You’re still here, you didn't have to wait.” She notices that Poppy swept her hair to the front, trying her best to conceal her scar. 

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Morgan is nothing if not persistent. She silently offers the jacket she’s holding, the collar would hide Poppy’s scar better. It doesn’t bother her at all but it does Poppy and she’d do anything to make her feel at ease.

“Thanks.” She accepts it gratefully, slipping it on promptly.

“If you want to go home, I could tell them to pack our lunch to go.” Morgan’s eyes reflected sadness and understanding. This wasn’t how she wanted the day to go but it doesn’t matter, nothing is more important than Poppy’s feelings.

“It’s okay, let’s just eat. I’m hungry.” Her brown eyes flitted up to her eyes before looking down and reaching for Morgan’s hands, clasping it with her own, in silent thanks.

They walked back to the table, hands still entwined. Morgan found herself being towed along, a fond smile plastered to her face. When they reached the table, Poppy lets go of her hands not before giving it a light squeeze. Her mouth curves into a imperceptible smile, gone in a second.

* * *

“So… Did you like it?” Morgan asks, already knowing the answer. If her previous hums and silent moans were telling. She looks at her with an amused grin, of course she liked it, there’s no fooling her taste buds.

“No.” She denies in a serious tone, her face unreadable, eyes narrowing even more.

“What- But you-” Morgan sputters, trying to make sense.

“You're fun to tease. I loved it.” Poppy smirks, rolling her eyes.

Morgan looks at her with obvious fondness, Is Poppy starting to warm up to her, she’s trying at least. “I knew that, judging from your moans.” She jokes.

She shoots her with a pointed look as a warning, already signalling for the check.

* * *

They exit the restaurant after saying a few goodbyes to the owners. They walked slowly, not in a particular hurry to head home. They walked side by side, taking the long way that cuts through the park.

"Morgan, about the nightmare. What was it about?" 

“I killed you.” Morgan blurts out, stopping in her tracks, startling Poppy.

“What?” Poppy shifts her weight from foot to foot. She’s confused and a little sus.

“In my dreams, I killed you. The accident- You were- You know what, it’s not important right now, I don’t even know why you brought that up. Mood killer, huh?” Morgan changes the subject once she sees Poppy’s expression, hiding her feelings behind her terrible jokes, typical and real healthy too, mind numbing healthy.

_“Okay we’re doing this now.”_ Poppy whispers under her breath, Morgan doesn’t seem to hear instead she continued walking. She catches up and pulls her to a relatively secluded bench so she’ll be comfortable sharing whatever bothered her.

“Wha-” Morgan found herself dragged along and she mentally face palms herself for having no filter, none at all.

“Let’s talk about it.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for the spelling and grammar mistakes. English is not my first language. (Poppysmc Tumblr)


End file.
